I've been stateside for over a month now and God is stirring up some crazy things. I knew in leaving JBay that it was not a final goodbye. God had been speaking to me about going back a few months before leaving. I had no idea what it would like though. I'd like to say that now I do but that's not really true. What I do know now though is this: the one thing God has called me to do is love. It's
universal; it's in each one of the ministries I was a part of. It's what Jeffreys
needs. It needs to see the love of God instead of hearing about it. It needs to truly
feel the love of God! They are yearning for it and the mission God has
given me is to bring it, to show it, to be it. So, I'm going back to do just
that. I'm leaving in December or January, depending on when the support is
raised by, and will be gone for another year. It's going to look much
differently this year because I am going back without an organization. I am
going back on support from my Church, family and friends. My mission is to
love and to live out Isaiah 61:1-4, the passage the Lord has given me over and
over again: 1
The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
because the LORD has anointed me
to preach good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the
brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the
prisoners, 2 to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn, 3 and provide for those who grieve in Zion-
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the LORD
for the display of his splendor. 4 They will rebuild the ancient ruins
and restore the places long devastated;
they will renew the ruined cities
that have been devastated for generations.
That will be my ministry,
my mission, my life. I'm in the process of forming a budget for this next year so that I can provide more information for my supporters. But right now, I'm asking for you to commit to pray over this new journey with me. Pray for the already established relationships but also pray for the new ones that God has prepared for me. Pray for direction and guidance as I begin working out the necessary details. And I just ask that you'll pray for that God will continue to teach me more and more about Himself as He allows me to point others towards Him. Thank you all for your continual support of what God is doing in my life. You are all such a huge part of my life and the mission God is calling me to.
I will be opening a new blog shortly that you will be able to continue following me on this journey with. From that, you will be able to support me online. The support me link on this page does not work for this next trip. It was for the organization I was with prior. So, if you are interested in beginning to support me financially you can contact me and I can get you new information. However, when I open the new blog I will provide all of the information on that page as well as the amount needed.
Thank you all again. You truly are the heart and hands of God to me and the people of South Africa!
Tuesday was our last day of ministry and now we are busy saying goodbyes and wrapping things up here. It was very hard to say goodbye to everyone that I've grown to love but I know that God has them in His hands and will continue to grow them. I will be leaving on Wednesday at half past 12 and will arrive in DC at 6am on Thursday. From there we will travel to Georgia for a short time of debrief with our team and I will be back in Charlotte on Friday afternoon. I am excited to spend time with my friends and family that I have missed dearly but am struggling to say goodbye. Jeffreys Bay has become my home and my team has become my family. Which leads me to some big news, God has been pressing on my heart that this isn't the end. These relationships are not really over. Some of them are and I have to be okay with that but I'm taking heart in the fact that he has more planned for many of the relationships. I am still praying for clear direction but I know that God is calling me back here. Whether it be a few months, another year, or many years later, I know this isn't a final goodbye. As of right now, with much prayer and thought, I am looking at coming back in January for at least 6 months maybe a year. I have no details at all. God is teaching me to live in faith and trust Him with everythign so I am doing my best to do just that. As He lays more on my heart I will keep you all updated. Please keep my team in your prayers as we say our last goodbyes and wrap things up. And pray for God's direction, leading, and provision as I look to the future and coming back. Thank you all very much for your continual support of what God is doing in my life. I love you all dearly!
I want to start off with an apology. I am sorry I haven't kept up with the blog over the past few weeks. I do want you to know that during this time God has moving among us. Since I last wrote, it has been a rollercoaster ride here in Jeffreys. There have been some great highs but also some of the lowest lows I have had to experience.
I will start with a high- ministry. The 2nd of April was our last day of ministry for a long holiday. It was a Thursday so we had house visits in the morning followed by Ithemba. I remember walking away from that day so encouraged about what God was doing. During house visits, we met one of our regular families neighbor/friend. We sat and played cards for awhile as we talked about life and why we are in Jeffreys. We took that time to get to know her and her heart. She shared about her family and about the community. We talked about the issues that we see on a regular basis. Issues of abuse and alcohol. Issues of loneliness and temptations. We asked them if they wanted to study a passage of the Bible with us and Shamel, the friend that introduced us, said no. This was hard to hear because God has been really working on her heart and stirring a hunger in her for truth. I knew something was wrong so I asked why she wasn't interested. She began pouring out her heart to us and telling her how last night her boyfriend beat her up. She had bruises all over her arms. She then told us that the scar on her face was from a previous time when he stabbed her. My heart broke instantly. What do you say to a women who faces threats to be murdered if she leaves, yet if she stays she endures beatings? We sat there and let her pour out her heart. We sat and listened. We prayed. We spoke truth of God's love for her and how beautiful she is. We could not tell her what to do, that decision was hers. But God allowed us to be there for her and speak truth about His love and mercy. Afterwards, she had to leave but her friend began telling us of her alcohol addiction and how hard it is to quit. My other two teammates listened to her, prayed for her, and spoke truth into her life. During that time, God just told me to pray. So I began praying for the many kids that live in this area. God urged me to pray for protection, but not just physical protection. Protection over their hearts and over their minds. Protection from the stronghold of alcohol they see daily. Protection from the lies Satan will feed them over their parents fighting. I can't tell you the outcome from those prayers or the words spoken to our two friends. All I know is God's word does not return void. I cling to that truth with every word spoken over these woman's lives.
I spent the next few days relaxing and spending time fellowshiping with the other ministry partners in the area. On Sunday, I left for Cape Town to spend time with friends and allow God to rejuvenate me. As we were reaching Cape Town, we received a phone call informing us there had been an accident. 3 of my teammates and a church member from the Port Elizabeth team were in the car. We were stopped at a petrol station so we stayed there for a little while longer and prayed. Assuming everything would be fine and knowing there was nothing else we could do, we kept driving. Within 30 minutes a second call came. Sarah didn't make it. I can't begin to tell you the emotions that ran through my head. Every possible thought was racing through my mind over and over again. We turned around and drove the 7hrs back to Jeffreys Bay. The following week was a week filled with questions, emotions, and darkness. Why God, why Sarah, why now? I was so upset that I didn't know what to do, so I did just that- nothing. This would be where the low was evident.
It wasn't until Sarah's memorial service that God began pushing me towards healing. I had run for it for the first days afterwards. I ran hard away from it. But as I remembered Sarah's life and friendship the only direction I could go was towards God. I still had questions, I still had many many emotions, but I got a glimpse of hope that day. I knew I had to fight for healing and fight for God's purpose in this situation, and I struggled to do so. It wasn't until we went to Cape Town, as a team- along with our Port Elizabeth friends, that God truly revealed Himself in this situation. Was it easy? No. Did it sting? More than I can put to words. But during the last night we were there, God just spoke clearly to my heart. He brought back all of the characteristics I admired in my friend Sarah. Her listening ear, her gentle spirit, her caring heart, her abounding love, her willingness to forgive, her persistent nature, her willingness to do anything to bring God glory, her words of wisdom and support, her laugh, and God would not let me forget that beautiful smile. The smile that lit up every room she walked in. The smile that brought hope to those she ministered to. The smile that always cheered me up when I walked into our room last semester. All of these things ran through my head, numerous memories that made me smile, laugh and cry. And I just knew God was pushing me towards those things. The fruits of the Spirit that so much of Sarah's life characterized. Sarah was much more than a roommate, or a teammate, she was a beloved friend and an example of what a child of God truly looks like. For that friendship and example, I will forever be grateful. Sarah's life taught me so much about God but her death took those things I saw in her and the things I learned from her and moved them from my head in to my heart. God has been trying to do that with so many things this semester and He used Sarah to help. That last night we sat around and just sang out praises to God. We sang of His love and His greatness, of His light and His hope. And I honestly felt it in my heart. I felt it so much that I couldn't help but smile and cry tears of joy. God is good. No, God is great! There is hope, hope that makes no sense but comes just as we need it most. There is joy in and strength at the foot of the cross but you must first surrender the "happiness" life and the world we live in offers us. I hate it took Sarah's death to open my eyes to these things but I am eternally grateful for her life, friendship, example, and continual impact.
Now I know this only covers a portion of what God has been teaching and the ways that He has been moving but you can be sure that this only scratches at the surface of what He is doing in our hearts and the hearts of those in Jeffreys Bay, Port Elizabeth, and Swazi. Please continue to lift up all of these teams. Pray that God continues to receive glory from everything: life, death, joy, sorrow, laughter, tears, and the goodbyes. Pray that as we finish up our work here that the people we minister to will see Christ and look to Him for their needs. Pray that even though goodbyes sting and are hard that the joy of the Lord will be much greater. Thank you all for your continual support. Your prayers have been felt here, especially in these last few weeks. You have been a great ministry to me and my team. I look forward to telling you more about the things God has done, is doing, and is directing me to in the future. I love you all!
God has been teaching me a lot this week about His love and my response to it. We are reading a book called Crazy Love by Francis Chan and I recommend it to everyone. It's eye-openeing and challenging. I will go into detail about the book and what I have taken away from it on my next post but I feel like this teaching time is what has compelled me and my team to make the most of every oppurtunity, making this a memorable week.
We are starting to really study the Bible with the group of ladies we visit on Tuesday and Thursday morning and you can see the hunger they have. It is amazing to see and even more encouraging that God is giving us oppurtunities to really speak truth into their lives and challenging us with those same truths. Continue to pray that the hunger will grow inside of them and that they will be moved to action by the things they read.
God has also been moving at Ithemba. Kids are opening up and being real with us. I really feel like Jeffreys is hungry for truth. They are craving it, they are just looking in the wrong places. You can even see it in the kids lives and how they have started to really listen when we read the Bible and discuss it. They are asking hard quesitons about what to do in situations and how to live what we talk about out. Something is being stirred up, that is for sure.
I know this is a quick update but I just want you all to know that God is at work here. In my life, in the life of my teammates and in this community! From answering prayers, to guiding and directing us, to giving peace, and breaking hearts, God is working. He made the pouring, and I mean POURING, rain stop so that we could do house visits. He has guided us to other people to visit. He has taught us all about His love and His holiness. He is just pretty amazing... what more can I say?
God is moving here in Jeffreys. He always has been but this
week I was able to see it even more clearly. We've had opportunity after opportunity
to speak truth. From talking about ancestral worship during house visits to talking
about forgiveness and grace at Ithemba, truth is being heard and challenging
many.
God is stirring up things in our class at Ithemba, I can just feel it. We were
able to speak boldly during our bible time and talk about the hard things that
happen here in the culture. We talked about rape and murder on Monday and the
kids openly said that it can't be forgiven. That opened doors to really just
talk with them and share our passions. We shared our stories and examples where
God has forgiven us when we didn't deserve it and we shared about examples
where we had to forgive when they didn't deserve it. The kids were sitting
there listening more than I think they have ever before. We were able to share
parts of our lives with them which was really important and God totally used
it. On Tuesday, many of our kids were in a fight on the street against other
students from another school. It was disappointing and discouraging but it
truly was another opportunity to speak on the issue of forgiveness. We talked
about the fight and why and asked them what they thought about forgiveness.
They all agreed that it was important and that in the situation they weren't
being forgiving. I was praying for guidance because I had no idea where to go
from there but Nomsa began speaking and the spirit was leading that
conversation. We told them that we are at Ithemba because we love them and we
want to share the hope that we have with them. We told them that we want to
play and have fun with them, that we want to teach them, but our purpose is to
speak truth and tell them about God. We then went on to explain accountability.
I gave the example of giving them 10 rand and be held accountable means I need
a cash slip for how they spent the 10 rand. They understood so I went on to explain
that is what God does. We hear truth and we hear the Word and we are then held
accountable. He gives us opportunity to live it out and holds us accountable to
our reaction. We told them how much we
love talking about the Bible and answering their questions but unless they
began living it out, we don't need to keep talking about it. It's important to
talk about it but unless there are actions that follow, the talking has no
value. I think it struck the kids pretty hard. It was an intense two days but
you can see that they were all listening
and thinking about it and I'm excited to see how God uses those times and conversations.
Next week has potential to be another intense week with the kids. We are going to
do the Beat the Drum program with our class starting on Monday. We have only
talked about AIDS briefly with them and they had some good questions. We will
start with the movie on Monday and then talk about values on Tuesday and split
up the boys and girls on Wednesday and talk more deeply on issues and then
Thursday talk about questions and commitments. It's going to be a great week
and I think God is going to do big things with this program. I just ask that
you'll be daily praying about the words spoken to them and the images they will
see. Pray that their eyes will be opened to the seriousness of these issues and
that most importantly their heart will be affected.
Thank you so much for your continual support, God is using you!
I mentioned that God has been breaking my heart and showing me more of His ways this week but I want to take time to share the things going on. I found out at the beginning of the week that one of the girls that was in my class last semester at Ithemba was raped. She has been staying in Joburg since before Christmas but is no longer safe there. Her life was threatened if she told anyone, which she eventually did. The man is either in hiding within the town or has escaped but when people found out they went to beat him. Luckily, they believed and supported her but if the man is still within the town her life is in danger. The situation is complicated now because the social workers are involved, as well as the police but it's going to cost around $80 US dollars to bring her back from Joburg to Jeffreys. My team is waiting to find out when we can help but the political aspect of it has to be sorted out first.
Later in the week I was able to talk to a few of the girls from Zimbabwe that are in my class. To give a bit of background the situation in Zim is not good. There have been many people coming from there to stay in South Africa until the political situation settles down. There have been difficulties with communication, medicine, schools and basic necessities for awhile now. Needless to say, those who were able to leave have left. These two girls are actually two of 5 girls staying with their aunt here in Jeffreys until things settle down, which nobody really knows when it will be safe again. They were sharing their hearts and what has been weighing them down, which was a really good opportunity to just encourage them. Neither one of them are able to go to school because their school fees would be $42 US dollars a month per person and there are 5 of them. They both shared with me though that it would really help their family and them if their younger sister was able to go to school. She struggles the most out of their family with her English and it's very important that she learns it. It's something I have begun praying about and would like to ask that you would join me in that. These are two very big needs that have come up just among my class at Ithemba and I'm seeking out the Lord's provision. I would like to get enough funds for at the least the youngest to go to school for 6 months (the rest of the school year here) and be able to bring the other girl back from Joburg. If you would like to be a part of meeting this need, let me know by leaving a comment or writing me an e-mail at mkroege1@gmail.com and I can give you more details.
God has been challenging me all week to really see with His eyes. He has broken my heart and pointed out a flawed perspective yet again. However, the more this happens the more I realize it's the American perspective I've grown accustomed and numb to... Let me specify:
When did it become normal to spend $10-$20 for one meal for one person at a "nice" restaurant, when that could feed a family of 5+ for ½ a week in other countries?
When did it become normal to pass by the homeless person standing at the same street for a third week in a row without even looking?
When did it become normal to give in to the thought that "everyone is after your money" or some other physical need?
When did it become normal to be numb to the needs around us?
When did it become normal to wake up on Sunday morning and the occasional Wednesday night and sit through a Church service and walk away completely unchanged and unaffected?
When did it become normal for God to be just another person we must answer to?
When did we lose sight of relationship?
When did we make the battle against flesh and bone instead of the spiritual realm?
Maybe the best question to ask though is when is enough really going to be enough? When do we finally get fed up with living outside of God's plan? When do really begin to see injustice for what it is and do something about it? When will we truly learn to love God, our neighbors, and our enemies? When will we really begin feeling again?
I've made all of these questions with "we" in them for a reason. I am included in this problem and God is giving me a clearer perspective on it the longer I am away from America and immersed in the injustice that is "normal" life. I don't know when living on the streets, poverty, rape, and HIV/AIDS became "normal" but for many here it is. Our world has become overly corrupt by our sin and if we don't open our eyes to see it for what it is and chose to do something about it, I don't even know what to expect but I do know that I don't want to be around to see the effects. We have a responsibility as followers of Christ to truly follow Christ. That means going behind Him on the same path. I think it's fair to say we have found our way to a different path and we desire to seek Him and follow Him but Christ has called us to a higher road, a higher standard. It looks differently for all of us but God has just been convicting me of many things such as the money I spend on food considering the circumstances of most here. We really just need to seek out what God is calling us to in our daily lives. We need to find our way out of this numb state and begin feeling for others and feeling ourselves the love God has for us and the change it brings.
It was a really rough week last week. I didn't write about it directly because I was and still am processing everything that took place. It started off on Tuesday with a really long day of ministry that when finished, I felt completely useless. Virginia's has only had about 3 kids there for the past few weeks. So being there has been a struggle to find out where I can be used. After thinking and praying about it we are no longer going to be helping there. Instead I will be doing house visits both days . That made Tuesday really long and hard and it was only the beginning. I then went to Ithemba and had a very stressful and challenging day emotionally. I left feeling drained and like the day had been wasted. Wednesday was another stressful day because it was rainy so we couldn't play outside or do anything outside with the kids. Having been inside all day long, they were even crazier! We were supposed to have the usual day with them but the tables and bookshelves from the rooms were being painted so we didn't have anywhere to really do class. Then add in some stress from living in community and having to cook all week and I had very little left in me. I hadn't gotten much sleep and was really just fighting to finish the week. Thursday rolled around and I had to pray for God's strength to face the day, already feeling discouraged from the week. The day got off to a rough start with differences among our small ministry teams and we ended up switching house visit teams for the day. I went with Alexis and Ellen to visit their friend and we sat and talked with her, her sister and her boyfriend for awhile. I left feeling a little better about the day. So, we walked to the beach for our hour break between ministries to meet up with the rest of the girls for lunch. However, on the way there my day got much worse. As we were walking down the main road through the township, we passed over a small side street as a truck was turning so we had to stop. Right after the truck passed I got this really weird feeling and then two guys approached us. The one had his hand on my shoulder, I guess holding my bag. He was speaking to me in Xhosa but I had no idea what was going on. He then opened a switch blade on my arm and the other guy yelled for me to hurry if I didn't want to get hurt. That's when I realized what was going on. I looked down at the knife as he was helping take my bag off my shoulder. He then went towards Ellen and got her book bag and ran off into a field. It all happened so fast that I was completely shocked and taken back. I don't remember many details or even what the guys looked like or anything else said. It was the scariest yet weirdest thing I've ever experienced. We all three just got away from the situation really quickly. Our leader picked us up and we talked about what happened. I didn't go to Ithemba because I was emotionally spent and way too shaken up to do anything. I spent the weekend trying to process the week yet also relax after all the stress. It was challenging but after stepping back and looking at the week, I can see Satan being all over that. It was a week of spiritual warfare at its finest. Satan was trying to deter me and my team from ministry.
I tell you all this to ask for you guys to be on your knees for my team. I think it's safe to say that most of us have experienced a t least one challenging week lately. Satan is trying to stop us from what we're doing and I strongly believe it's because God wants to do something big here. I am asking for you to be in consistent prayer for what God is doing and for the attacks Satan is planning. Pray for protection, we aren't called to a safe life as Christians and we know that but we are asking for His protection in the dangerous situations. Your prayers are needed and appreciated. I love you all and can't wait to share with you face to face the things God is doing. He has already changed my really hard and bad week and given me hope for the situations here. This week was much better and God has really been working in the hearts of the kids in my class at Ithemba. They are asking questions and starting to hunger for the Word which has been my prayer for awhile know and I would love for you to join me in that. God is at work here and has victory even in the situations like the mugging.
I love you guys! Thank you for everything you are doing. You mean more to me and this ministry than you know.
Oh, and pray that the men that mugged us would somehow come to know Christ through this situation. In my friend Ellen's bag was her ipod with all christian music on it and her bible. God has done crazier things before, so pray that they will read the Bible and listen to the music and be drawn to Him.
Besides the usual ministry, God is really teaching me about
Him. I'm realizing I don't really know what it looks like to rely fully on Him
and as I've been praying about it He has been giving me opportunities to
practice it. Don't you hate that? Not only has He begun to teach me about that
but He gave me a huge wake-up call. Tomorrow isn't guaranteed. The rest of
today isn't even guaranteed. Honestly, we don't deserve it. It's a blessing from God and an opportunity to
bring Him glory. It's not for any other reason than His glory. Am I making the
most of every opportunity? Are you? I think it's a question we all need to be
asking ourselves daily, sometimes even moment by moment. We're not here for our
glory, needs, desires, any of that. We simply exist to bring glory to God. How
are we doing that? If something happened today would you look back, even just
on the day, and see God's glory and His kingdom here on this earth or would you
look back and see another "normal" day gone by.
"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have
come that they may have life and have it to the full." – John 10:10
I don't know if you realize it but it's something God has
made clear to me, this is happening ALL around us. The thief is stealing,
killing, and destroying. And instead of
having life to the full, we have allowed Satan to continue doing these things
as we consider it "normal" life. Satan
has stolen joy, killed our passion, and is destroying lives, families,
communities, and nations! When do we really begin to take this verse to heart
and run with it? When do we begin living out Isaiah 61?
"The Spirit of the
Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to preach good
news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim
freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners...
to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in
Zion- to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead
of ashes, the oil of gladness instead
of mourning, and a garment of praise instead
of a spirit of despair."
Verses 1-3
God calls us to live life to
the full and gives us an applicable way to do that, it's Isaiah 61:1-3. He has
warned us of the things that Satan will try to do but promises life in Him.
That "full" life is going to look differently for everyone but I fully believe
that those few verses should be a huge part of it. However, living life to the
full doesn't exempt us from harm, by any means. It's actually quite the opposite: "If you suffer for doing good and
you endure it, this is commendable before God. To this you were called, because
Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his
steps" 1 Peter 2:20-21. We are going to suffer; it doesn't say if you suffer.
It says if you suffer and endure. The suffering will come, the test is the endurance.
I'm beginning to believe that if we can't trace any sort of suffering
(physically, emotionally, mentally, relationally, etc.) to our lives than there
is a problem. Suffering is an attack from Satan because He knows the power that
lies within us that at the mere mention of Christ's name demons shudder. Satan attacks us when he knows we are
progressing the Kingdom.
I'm continuing to seek out what this "full"
life looks like and God is slowly revealing to me different aspects of it. I'm
being shown repeatedly that full doesn't equal easy. But I've found hope in Deuteronomy
31:6 which says, "Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified
because of them, for the Lord your God does with you; he will never leave you
nor forsake you." There will always be "them" in our lives. There will always
be something that we can choose to live in fear about but God promises that He
is with us and will not leave our side. He gives us a reason to live outside of
that fear, and that reason is Him. I hope that this week you will cling to
these verses the way God is teaching me to. Find hope in His promises, which is where the "rejoicing in suffering"
Paul talks about in Romans comes to exist. It's not necessarily in rejoicing
that you are suffering but rejoicing that in Christ there is hope and victory
through the suffering. "But thanks be to God! He gives us the
victory through our Lord Jesus Christ."
-1 Corinithians 15:57
